Hey everyone! Hope you all are enjoying your summer. I am sorry, yet again, that there has been an absence on the blog…and it is because I have been struggling to get my thoughts out on paper (or cyberspace)// Truthfully, I have been wanting to write about this for a while now– but wanted to make sure I got it right…I hope someone, somewhere, will resonate with this.
This summer has been full of changes. Change isn’t always easy. At the end of the semester, I watched three of my good friends walk across the stage and graduate college…something I probably should have done two years ago (lol) , but that’s beside the point. The fall will come and I will have my time. Anyway, I was super pumped for them, but also really emotional. I am naturally emotional, so it didn’t come as a big surprise to me when I started tearing up during their commencements– But, I think my emotion goes WAY beyond being proud of my friends.
All my life, I’ve had someone to depend on. Now, I am not saying this is a bad thing…but it does make life somewhat “easier” when there is someone around. Ever since I was in 7th/8th grade, I had someone around. All throughout high school, I had a “serious” boyfriend. In college, I met someone new right away and we dated for an extended period of time…Then I met someone else, and we also dated for an extended period of time…Meanwhile, I had the same tight knit group of friends… In fact, one of them even lived with me last summer…like actually in the same room. Someone was always always there… Do you see the trend? Don’t get me wrong, It’s AWESOME to have people there. Someone to go to target with late at night, someone to come lay with you while you cry, someone to go to dinner with you on a whim or someone who will watch movies with you all day (and avoid responsibility).
But that all comes to an end. And once it ends, you are left with yourself. This sounds depressing, but at some point, the guy you thought you’d marry will dump you, the friends that were always there will graduate and move on with their lives, and you are just here, dealing with it all. Maybe it won’t happen quite like that, but in some form, one way or another, you will truly feel and be alone.
If you’re there right now, I am here to tell you that it is OK. You’ll make it. No, seriously, you really will. I have finally finally finally gotten to a place in my life where I can truly say I believe this. 100%. And as someone who has been through it, I can tell you it is even better than “OK.” Finding myself, loving myself, and supporting myself has been the greatest blessing. I take myself on long drives, I finish books I never got around to, I try a new workout class just for the hell of it, I spend hours cooking myself a good meal, because why the hell not?? When did life become all about “wishing you had someone to do (fill in the blank) with” ? Are you NOT enough as it is?? Newsflash, YOU are pretty awesome just the way you are and don’t ever forget it. You don’t need anyone to complete you, because you, yourself, are whole. You don’t need to pour all your love on someone who won’t love you back, because you deserve to be loved. You don’t need someone else to make you happy, because you can be your own happiness. You don’t need to chase after someone who sees you as a second option, because you should always be first.
This summer has been full of changes. I’ve done things for ME, not anyone else. And I have to say, it feels pretty great. I’ve rediscovered old hobbies, created new interests, and have worked toward a new chapter for myself…A new chapter where I put myself first, where I do things for me, where I let go of the past, and strive to be the best ME I can be.
Because I (and you) deserve it.